Hiddengifted’s Blog

Thoughts and… APPEARANCE

Posted on: October 12, 2009

Girls, especially gifted ones, can get very focused at times. I remember making many split-second decisions, such as the fact that I wanted a new Polly Pocket right then, that drove my mother crazy.
The year I turned 16, I needed a new pair of jeans. I decided that I was going to get my jeans, if I had to pay for them or not. My mother wanted to make me a pair, but I thought that would take too long and I’d never get my jeans. And so, every time we went to Sears or Target, I headed straight to the clothing section and looked for jeans on sale. I found them one day at Sears, and begged my mother to buy them, or let me buy them. She gave in and purchased them, and so now I had my jeans. I was happy. My focus was now shifted to something else: the upcoming rampage of schoolwork.

But you see my point. It is very easy for gifted girls to become focused, and not pay attention or listen to anything or anyone else. They know what they want, and don’t really understand why you, frankly, don’t get it. But they don’t see that as their problem. If you don’t understand, that’s your fault. The fact that it might be a bad idea is “totally irrelevant”. They know what they want. Why don’t you?

Due to the fact that they are gifted, these will be prone to asking more questions than normal girls. They probably won’t accept the fact that boys are left to the boys, and girls are expected to stay where it’s nice and safe and leave well enough alone.
They don’t get that.
So gifted girls think faster and process more quickly than normal girls. That’s okay, but you have to be ready to deal with the sudden tears, unhappiness, and questions that come with the act of realizing they might not be able to do what they want to.

Okay, so we got that part. Gifted girls think differently than other girls. All right. But why are they in particular so paranoid about their looks?

Part of- if not most of- the reason of gifted girls’ loss of confidence is again, the male- pleasing world around them. They see the images in magazines, movies and TV of skinny girls and women parading around. All they know is that they don’t look like that.
There must be something wrong.
Everything they see simply screams that thin is beautiful. If you’re not thin, they teach, You’ll never be anybody. You’ll never be beautiful, and you’ll never get a date. The pressure from the peers around them do the rest. They become obsessed with their weight, because if they weigh too much, they can’t be thin. And if they’re not thin, they’re not beautiful.
They’re basically following logic done unconsciously. A lot of their thoughts are grounded in unconscious logic, denying the fact that they’ve accepted for so long: that they’re not as smart and won’t do as well as boys. Even into the SATs, the girls do WORSE THAN BOYS because somewhere, deep inside them, there’s this voice whispering, “You can’t do it. You know you can’t.”
So it’s basically the fault of the world around them that gifted girls are insecure and sometimes delicate. Nothing can become the way it is without influence, and these girls’ influences are the people around them, what they see and what they hear. So far, the influences haven’t been good.

Imagine this: you’re stuck on an island. The only thing with you is a tape recorder that is broken and won’t shut up. It keeps repeating the same phrase: “You’re fat”. Day in and day out, after weeks of being with this stupid machine, you’d start believing it, wouldn’t you? And after that, if you ever got of the island, you’d be frightened that it might actually come true.
Welcome to the startling reality of a gifted girl. Only that message could be a billion different things. “Being smart is makes you different”, “Different things are bad”, “Thin is in! And you‘re fat.”, and a dozen different lies. And it won’t shut up. Wouldn’t you believe it, too?

By the time they’ve graduated collage, gifted young women have already decided that they’re dreams “won’t do”. If you ask why, you might receive any one of these answers:

“It would take too much.”

“It would never happen.”

“It was impossible anyway.”

“Well, I wanted to do this too. And this is way closer than that.”

Sound familiar? A lot of gifted girls somehow lose their imagination and determination between middle school and college. They find that the world doesn’t like girls who think, and thus our culture “make them see” that their dreams are “quite impossible”.
Walt Disney said something about dreams being impossible. But his quote went something like this:
“All of our dreams can be reached if we have the courage to pursue them.”
That’s what I want to do. And I want to encourage people to join me, so we can do it together.

Gifted girls can be perfectionists. I am one of those. I’m a straight-A student, I like it when my day is mostly planned out, and am terribly disappointed when something goes wrong. If I get anything less than a B or even think I’m going to flunk a test, I completely lose it. I’ve decided that school will get me to college, college will get me a degree, and a degree will get me a job.
But nobody knows the other side of me. What risks I want to take, how I want to test myself, or what I want to do- I haven‘t told almost anyone. I’m almost afraid to tell my parents, because I don’t know how they’ll react. I know the world won’t like it.

But I don’t care. I’m going to shock the world. Let it come. If not me, than someone else will. I’m going to prove that gifted girls can do things, and that the impossible can be reached.
I know, because I’m going to do it.

“Doing the impossible is kind of fun!” — Walt Disney

As Martin Luther King Jr. said, “I have a dream.”
Care to join me?


1 Response to "Thoughts and… APPEARANCE"

There’s nothing wrong with having a life that is planned, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting perfection.
I use to be that way….until I started raising my son, and now I have a 1 year old daughter, LOL.

Thanks for stopping by my site, now that you know where it is, dont be a stranger.


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  • cherokeebydesign: I suppose I was the smart one in high school and then again in college......it's not all that fun being labeled as "the smart one" in school. Raven
  • cherokeebydesign: There's nothing wrong with having a life that is planned, and there's nothing wrong with wanting perfection. I use to be that way....until I started


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